1.Build anticipation
Agree on a period of time, say one week, when you won’t have orgasms or penetrative sex. At first, allow no more than kissing and holding each other, then gradually move on to touching and stroking each other, masturbation, oral sex, whatever feels right for you, but avoid orgasm. At the end of the week, allow yourselves the pleasure of orgasm, through any kind of sex you like. This week will heighten your senses to all the other wonderful feelings you can share when you’re having sex.
2.Massage
This can’t be said often enough: massage can help you have incredibly sensual sex. As part of foreplay it can be a great way to start things off slowly, relaxing into the feel of each other’s skin as your arousal becomes more intense. But a simple massage that doesn’t lead to sex can also work wonders for your sex life. A non-sexual massage will help you familiarize (or re-familiarize) yourself with your partner’s body, reduce stress and reaffirm the intimacy between you. If you don’t necessarily want a massage to lead to sex, talk about this with your partner so you can avoid any misunderstandings.
3.The senses
Sex is about sensuality, and good sex can embrace all the senses, not just touch. Scented oil for a massage (don't get oil on a latex condom, as this can damage it), music to lose yourself in and candles for soft lighting can all be erotic, as well as listening to your partner’s breathing and the sounds they make. Taste each other as you kiss, and try mixing food and sex. Feed each other something delicious and juicy, such as strawberries.
4.Whisper
Whether it’s sweet nothings or your sexy intentions, whispering things to your partner (or having things whispered to you) can add an extra thrill. It doesn’t just have to be during foreplay or sex. A sexy phone call can mean you’re both looking forward to the event for hours or days. This works with texts and emails too, but make sure you send them to the right person, and remember that your employer has the right to access your work email.
5.Masturbation
Masturbation, by yourself or with your partner, can be a bonus for your sex life. Exploring your own body and sexual responses means you can share this knowledge with your partner. Masturbating your partner can help you learn more about what turns them on. It can also be a useful option if one of you doesn’t feel up to full penetrative sex or if you have differing levels of desire. Talk about it with your partner. Perhaps masturbation is a way of dealing with this.
6.Sex toys
If you and your partner both feel comfortable, using sex toys can be an arousing thing to do together. Many people use vibrators and more as an enjoyable part of their sex life. If you’ve never thought about using sex toys before, how do you feel about trying them? You can buy them online or in sex shops.
7.Read a book
There are many books full of exercises and ideas to help you achieve a fulfilling sex life, whatever your age, gender, sexual orientation or taste. If you’ve never thought about buying a book about sex, why not do it now? You might wish you’d done it years ago.
8.Share fantasies and desires
Everyone has unique fantasies, tastes and preferences when it comes to sex. From earlobes to ankles, hairline to hips, pirates to picnics, don’t be afraid to talk about them. If you and your partner know about each other’s special turn-ons, you can make the most of them.
9.Keep it clean
We’re talking about your general hygiene. You don’t have to keep yourself super-scrubbed: a certain amount of sweat is fine, as long as it isn’t overwhelming. Pheromones (chemicals your body produces) can play a big part in arousal, so don’t mask them with strong perfumes or soaps. But be respectful towards your partner and make sure you wash every day to prevent nasty smells and tastes.
10.Relax
Sex with a loving partner can be one of the most beautiful and intense experiences in life, and often the best sex happens when you’re not worrying about making it exciting or orgasmic. Relax with your partner and great sex may well come and find you.
